Fit As A Broken Down Fiddle

I been dealing with a lot of aches and pains lately. My foot problems haven't been addressed. I still have discomfort in the form of numbness, stinging and burning in those three middle toes. If that weren't bad enough, the old problem of plantar fasciitis is back. My internet source says:

• The plantar fascia is a thickened fibrous aponeurosis that originates from the medial tubercle of the calcaneus and runs forward to form the longitudinal foot arch. The function of the plantar fascia is to provide static support of the longitudinal arch and dynamic shock absorption. Individuals with pes planus (low arches or flat feet) or pes cavus (high arches) are at increased risk for developing plantar fasciitis.

I don't have flat feet or high arches, but I certainly do have a fierce aching in the arch. I've had two sets of orthodics for my shoes in the past and the problem seemed to go away for awhile, but it always came back even while I was wearing the inserts. Now it's back again. Ouch.

The reason for this post is to complain about the advertisements for pain relief. I get a little upset when I heard people (who are paid money) say that Aleve or Advil or some other OTC drug helps their pain. I've downed more Aleve or Advil or some other OTC drug and I've gotten no relief. None. Zip. Zero. Nada.

I've recently developed pain in my neck (yes, I'm a pain in the neck!) and shoulders. It doesn't quit. Stretching doesn't do any good. Lying down without a pillow doesn't do any good. A heating pad doesn't help. Even my trusty old rice bag heated up in the microwave doesn't help.

I tried one of those 8-hour heat pads that stick to your skin. It's advertised that it will heat up and stay warm for up to 8 hours, giving you warmth to unknot those pesky tight muscles. It didn't even feel warm when I first put it on. I will say that it felt as if someone's hand was between my shoulders. That's all the warmth I felt. By the time I peeled it off (ouch) about 5 hours later (I had to, it was feeling clammy. Yuck!) it was a limp bag full of these odd lumpy granules of something gross. That evening, I saw an ad for it - the guy was jumping all around, feelin' the heat, happy as a lark. I certainly didn't get any relief, unless you count the relief I felt when I got rid of the clammy thing.

I have tried Ben Gay ointment (and others like it) in the past for aching muscles. I think it feels great as long as I don't move. As soon as I start to get up or move any muscle I realize the pain is still there. I've tried the hot tub at the health club. It feels great on my neck and shoulders, but as soon as I move my head...well, the pain is still there, but the hot water feels good.

Someone told me that Vicks rubbed on the soles of your feet will get rid of a headache. I think I'll try that next time. Whenever I mention that something hurts, Jimmy just starts counting - 20, 30, 40, 50, 60....

His birthday is Easter. He'll be 62.