An Epiphany.

As I sat in church this morning, I had an epiphany. Truly. I saw the light. I have always tried to live my adult life according to a moral code. I have always tried to keep it honest, to keep the exaggerations to a minimum (except for comic effect) and to not deliberately hurt anyone's feelings.

The sermon (and the Sunday School lesson) was about how we tend to do things to make ourselves feel good about ourselves. If someone else doesn't like it, too bad! If I'm having a bad day and I strike out and (accidently, perhaps or maybe on purpose) hurt your feelings, that's your problem, not mine. I'm having a bad day and you just need to get out of my way. You don't know me, so you can't tell me how I should feel. Sound familiar? Maybe not those exact words, but in the same vein. Getting my good vibes any way I can.

It stuck a cord with me today. Instead of how my actions make ME feel, I should be thinking of how my actions affect someone else. How do my words make another feel? Am I sacrificing someone else's peace of mind when I rant and rave? It may make me feel better for the moment, but what about the other person? After having crushed someone else, does my apology even begin to heal that other soul? Will my negative actions ever truly be forgotten, even if they're forgiven? It may be too late for me. I've always wanted to uplift, not crush, but I have a problem with not biting back after I've been bitten.

I've tried to live the commandment "do unto others as you would have them do unto you". It didn't always work. Still doesn't. It's hard to be nice when someone is tearing your heart out. I got an anonymous comment to one of my blogs that chided me for saying that I'd forgive a person but not forget what had been said. Anonymous told me that I was wrong. I had to forgive AND forget. After thinking about it, I decided that I can forgive, but I think everyone should remember the hurts and try not to repeat them. I certainly wouldn't think about putting my hand on a hot stove TWICE, would I? Once burned, twice shy. Towards that, I have taken down several blog entries that have offended. I didn't think about how my words, although they made ME feel good, hurt someone else's peace of mind.

We all have arguments with our husbands and wives, children, parents, friends and relatives. But how many arguments would we have if we decided to keep God's command to love our neighbors as ourselves?

One verse today left me thinking. I don't recall which verse it was but it said that if we come to worship but have ill feelings toward someone else, we should leave our offerings at the door, go settle our differences with that person, then come back to worship. It means that we can't ask for forgiveness if we don't forgive first. It is truly that simple. The only problem I foresee is getting forgiveness. I can ask, but I may not receive.